What it’s like to be raped. Pt 1

I have to preface this with a brutal truth because people make it a pleasurable past-time  to dig up anything they can find to discredit the integrity of your story. Nothing good can come from someone who has made a mistake. So note: I have lied about being raped before. Not to the police, just …


Flooded (Adult Material, Unedited)

Who plays James Brown for love making? A love maker. Why play James Brown? To make love. He was scrambling to clean his room. Well not room, the basement, the space. The space he forged all of his alchemy in. I’d felt so many sounds, words, rhythms, vibrations come from this space. I had vibrated …

It was.

It was.

From the moment I put that tape in my VCR I knew I was getting something that would excite me. Something that wouldn’t bore me like the rest of my 12 year old friends.

I was 13,  basically a grown woman. I had lumps and humps and I had that bothersome brawd that liked to jack my back up and mess up my bed once a month so I was a whole woman, basically, right?

Didn’t matter, I had them feelings, them physical feelings. I knew it wasn’t right for my age but I didn’t care. My body knew what it wanted and I knew this tape I got out my parents cabinet was the closest thing I’d get to it. I’d had the moments at midnight watching skin-a-max and show-time but this was XXX-splicit, Full Frontal. Pandora’s box was WIDE open. NOTHING to be left to the imagination

I saw. I liked. I came.

I watched the tape over and over for the next year until my momma found it. I got sloppy one day and napped after the fap without stopping the tape. Nothing went to sleep on its on back then, except me. But she never saw the ladies I watched diving only boring hetero hammering so the conversation was limited to scolding and why it was inappropriate. With a dash of religious purity to guilt me, but I KNEW I enjoyed what I saw. It wasn’t new, not even taboo.

I wanted a woman. Not just a fem either. Tall, thin, fat, thick, white, brown, black. A nice set of lips and hips and I was hooked. I didn’t show it but I never had to hide it either. Going to an all girl high school came with perks. My new friends could slide thru without question. I kept a skirt on hand, I liked my boyfriends but they just were too hard sometimes. I liked softness. I liked men and women.

My sexuality did not need discovery. It was

Not a question
Not a conflict
Not a debate
Not a fight
Not a family intervention
Not a ritual or prayer
Not a protest
Not a cry out

Just another tween watching porn they found and snuck to watch.

So when asked about the moment I found my sexuality I say,

it just was.

Bad habits die, hard.

It was all fun, the drinking, the sex and the smoking after sex but I also had 2 cars repossessed, a horrible relationship with my Mother, evicted several times, no savings, and horrible mental issues because I lost balance.

White People, Melanin & Skin Cancer #PettyPatty

He began to tell me that Black people are in the "dark" about their susceptibility to skin cancer caused by UVA and UVB rays. He said many Black people think they don't need to use sunscreen and this puts them at greater risk for skin cancer. I assured him that Dr. Phil was probably not the best source of information for medical studies on melanin rich skin.

Pretty for Approval

Should they not find me valuable or approve of my beauty in it's true essence they may find themselves lost and forever longing because they will never see my beauty as long as they are looking for it in the prosthetics of pretty.